Words that Hurt; My First Therapist Appointment with Hollis

All words are capable of evoking emotions. Some words hurt and some words help. Some words hurt intentionally whilst others are hurtful by accident.

I decided some ways back after getting the bypass and struggling with so many negative emotions linked to my addiction to food that it would behoove me to see a therapist in addition to my monthly meetings. FINALLY today, being 9 weeks out from the surgery, I took action and showed up to my appointment.

Like every other medical appointment that you attend for the fist time, they ask you to fill out paperwork. Paperwork for HIPPA, paperwork for permission to contact the authorities/primary care, and paperwork for family history and background of said new patient. Of course they would. I would want to get to know me too! LOL All kidding aside, that paperwork serves the purpose to keep both the patient and the professional safe!

My therapists name is Hollis. I was ushered nicely into a comfortable room with what Hollis called "noisemakers". He said they helped with privacy so others couldn't hear us talk and we wouldn't be bothered by others conversations. They were little sound machines that emitted white noise. GREAT IDEA RIGHT!!!??? Point 1 for Hollis!

He set great expectations for me telling me everything he was going to do and talk about step-by-step. Point 2 for Hollis! 

We talked about family history of alcoholism, disease, etc. We talked about any experiences that might have scarred me as a child or adolescent, as well as an adult. He asked me about my family, who I could lean on in time of need. He asked me about my boyfriend. <3 He asked me about Autumn and about her father. He asked me if I had any history of self harm, depression, or anxiety.

I was so proud of myself for not crying the entire time. I thought he was done. LOL Not yet Hollis, not yet. 

Finally he looked at me and said that he had to give me a diagnosis to be able to continue to treat me under the insurance. He said he was going to diagnose me with an eating disorder. Those Words... hit me like they were made of bricks. Tangible and visible. I could almost see them roll off his tongue in slow motion. And I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt, that I had a look of hurt on my face (I never have had a very good poker face lol).

He came closer to me in his rolling chair and told me that having an eating disorder doesn't make me any less of a wonderful person. He told me I was in the right place and doing the right thing to get where I wanted to be. Said that he was sorry if he had hurt my feelings in any way, it was just that he had to look at it in a clinical perspective. I understood. I wiped the tears from my face as he told me all this. Points 3, 4, and 5 for Hollis!!!

He said that for homework he wanted me to attend a couple of OA (overeaters anonymous) meetings before we met next.

He gave me Homework!!! LOL HOMEWORK? I SIR, AM 27 YEAR OLD! Am I going to do this homework? You bet your sweet butt lumps I am :)